In spite of the title I really do love wine and food from
Italy, France, Germany, and other countries as well. And
who among us can reject a bargain? But I also hate wine and
many aspects of the wine scene. Let me explain my top ten
reasons for this love-hate relationship. Previous articles
discussed the unconscionable expense, the embarrassing lack
of knowledge, no wine cellar, I can't get the ... bottle
opened, insomnia, food problems, wine snobs, and the
smells and tastes of wine. This article discusses wine
colors.
I am running very close to 100% in basic identification of
reds and whites, with only an occasional error for roses.
But how on earth do people manage to describe twelve shades
of red, including brick, garnet, cherry, and prune? And in
the circles I run in, or try to run in, describing a white
wine's color as simply white, makes you out to be a bit of
an oaf. Perhaps I should say, lout, fool, ignoramus...
It gets worse. We are told that the color unlocks the
secrets of the wine's parentage and upbringing. How often
have I heard "It's obvious to any fool that this wine can't
be a Riesling, look at its color." To which I am tempted to
reply, "But I thought that Rieslings were white wines."
So much for the whites, what about reds? I know the
difference between a brick as in home building and a ruby
as in the jewelry that I can't buy my wife because of my
investments in liquid assets if you get my drift. But since
I don't know the difference between brick color (look at
any weathered brick home and you'll see a lot of different
shades) and ruby color, how can I tell the difference
between brick-colored wine and ruby-colored wine?
Actually, that's not totally true, one of them is darker.
And they are both a heck of a lot darker than roses. Which,
when you think of it, are darker than whites.
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. But you can
make a white wine out of the red Zinfandel grape. And the
ensuing wine undoubtedly tastes better than a silk purse,
or a sow's ear. But, and this is going on faith, having
never gnawed on a silk purse or a sow's ear, not much
better. Yes, I do recall the first time I sampled a White
Zinfandel. Actually my wife, who is no wine lover, knew
immediately what the unfortunate result would be. She said
that it looked like Kool-Aid. But it didn't taste as good.
Here are the other reasons that I hate wine, to be explored
shortly: Home brew, One more problem and yes, The Solution.
----------------------------------------------------
Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on
computers and the Internet, but between you and me, he
prefers drinking fine German or other wine, accompanied by
the right foods and the right people. He teaches classes in
computers at an Ontario French-language community college.
Check out his global wine website is
http://www.theworldwidewine.com with a new weekly column
reviewing $10 wines.
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