Some of you may know me from my wine articles extolling the
virtues of wine and food. It's true; I really do love wine
and food from Italy, France, Germany, and other countries
as well. And who among us can reject a bargain? But I also
hate wine and many aspects of the wine scene. Let me
explain my top ten reasons for this love-hate relationship.
Previous articles discussed the unconscionable expense and
the embarrassing lack of knowledge.
What a confession to make -- I have no wine cellar. I can
define two categories of people in my life; those who say
"No wine cellar-why would you want a wine cellar?" and
those who say "No wine cellar-how could you not have a wine
cellar?" To be sure there is actually a third category -
those who say "No wine cellar-what's a wine cellar?"
Whenever I hear such a patently ignorant question my first
reaction is -- I have nothing in common with such boors.
Alas, I do. Neither of us have wine cellars.
Rule number 1 (so important that there is no rule number
2) - All true wine lovers must have a wine cellar. If you
don't have a wine cellar you have to drink that $10 bottle
of wine now or very, very soon instead of waiting twenty
years when it may be worth $100. Besides missing out on
this untaxed financial windfall, you won't get the
satisfaction of experiencing its transformation from a
run-of-the-winery bottle into liquid perfection and, what's
even better, sharing your coup but not necessarily your
bottle with friends and relations. On the other hand; what
if you're not around in twenty years, or you are around but
must religiously follow a diet restricted to a single glass
of wine per year? Furthermore, there is always an outside
chance that today's wine will magically transform itself
into tomorrow's - vinegar.
There is room for a wine cellar in our lodgings, and the
Internet posts countless articles and advertisements for
wine cellars in line with any budget, even ours. What's
more, I even know some contractors who would be glad to
build me a wine cellar, the bigger the better. I wonder if
my wife would consider my wine cellar as part of her home
renovations budget.
Here are the other reasons that I hate wine, to be explored
shortly: I can't get the ... bottle opened, The insomnia,
Food problems, Wine snobs, Those smells and those tastes,
Those colors, Home brew, One more problem and yes, The
Solution.
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Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on
computers and the Internet, but between you and me, he
prefers drinking fine German or other wine, accompanied by
the right foods and the right people. He teaches classes in
computers at an Ontario French-language community college.
Check out his global wine website is
http://www.theworldwidewine.com with a new weekly column
reviewing $10 wines.
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